I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
