Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
