My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
