woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
