what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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