You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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