He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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