filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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