My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
