i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
