Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
