The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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