We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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