had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
