I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
