so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
