The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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