great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
