Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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