I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize