I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize