At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
