Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
