I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
