sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
