I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
