Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
