1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
