hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
