How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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