I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
