well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
