Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Come on in and take your pants off
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