Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my being single is dangerous.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
