I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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