a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
