What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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