i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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