Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
