he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
