I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
