I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Randomize
