you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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