Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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