Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
