hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
