her vagine was all disorganized.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
