She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
