O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
