Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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