Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
