Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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