I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
