I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
