I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
