Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
