Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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