So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
