One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
