Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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