last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
