the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
