There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
