Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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