umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just googled if crying burns calories
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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