glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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