So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
