Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
