his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
