Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
